Fake Work Excuses
Make Your Own
Making your own fake work excuses that are ideally suited to yourself and your boss are probably the ones that will work the best. The question is how to come up with fake work excuses that sound legitimate?
Sometimes you can plan for your special day off and everything just falls in place. But if you are going to become a serious skipper it's good practice to think on your toes.
Listen to your news channel to twist real events into fake work excuses
First crack in the morning, before you decide if it's worth the bother to crawl out of bed, listen to the news. Actually if you set your alarm to start up with your local news guy hollering at you, you won't even have to move until you know it's going to be absolutely necessary.
News can be pretty boring but every once in a little while it turns up gold as far as excuses go.
Here is a great example you can use for fake work excuses:
"Police are urging local residents to keep children and old people indoors until a lion that apparently escaped from its owners has been recaptured." (Yup, some twit thought an African Lion made a great pet, it ran away 2 days after he got it, and it took him a day to get up the guts to report it.)
When I heard that announcement my get a day off hormones surged with joy for you.
Here's what you say to customize this one
"I can't come in to work today, there's a lion loose and the police (don't say cops, police has a lot more authority) have ordered (they should have ordered, urging makes it sound like you should have a choice, it's a lion for cripes' sake) people to stay indoors until it's caught. (never mind about the children and old folks part, what, they think the rest of us can outrun it? Besides, if everyone but old folks and kids get eaten who's going to be around to care for them? Clearly the cops aren't thinking.) My car is parked outside (if you walk to work you have it made. Everyone knows lions stalk from high up, you won't stand a chance.) I don't think I should chance it."
"You're kidding, right. I'm not falling for this." (It's your boss, it's all that executive level-headedness that has made him suspicious of even the best fake work excuses. It's really not his fault.)
(Ah, but here is the beauty of this fake work excuse, it's fake, but not.) "Turn on the radio, listen for yourself," you say. (Try not to sound too smug.)
Your boss might, and he might not, listen to the report. It doesn't matter because you told him to listen to a radio newsflash, it has to be true. Like you're going to make up something then tell him how to catch you at it? Not likely. So, he'll believe it.
If he does listen all he's going to hear is "lion loose, local residents urged to keep children indoors" and he is automatically going to go into warrior mode and have to get in touch with his wife and make sure her and the kidlets are safe. He isn't going to give you a second thought, buddy you're on your own. Besides if the lion is busy chewing on you, his own family will be safe. You are home free.
The lion was caught. It was a six month old male, African Lion, (well, really, a Canadian lion since it was born here, but a Canadian lion is a totally different type and would have just confused you for nothing.) The cops lured him into their cruiser then got him to their station where they played with him and got their pictures taken. They said he was real friendly, but kinda big, and a little rough, for a pet.
Then they threw him in the slammer until some zoo guys could come pick him up.
Another great source for fake work excuses – the traffic report.
As I sit here, already hard at work helping you get out of work, the radio is telling commuters that a dump truck is blocking the road. Not a big deal? Follow along.
You are one of those conscientious people who left for work early so you could get there on time and foil it all, you're stuck right behind this lumbering hunk of steel.
Have you ever tried getting around a dump truck? Especially since he was trying to change lanes when he stalled out, so he's blocking two lanes. And those nice fast, plain tow trucks just aren't going to do it when it comes to a fully loaded dump truck. You’ll have to wait for one of those special numbers to roll by and haul this behemoth out of your way. Just build on the story a bit and it'll come out blockbusters for you.
It will probably take long enough for an extra donut and coffee. Likely you could catch your favourite show while your munching, too.
See how just a little imagination can turn seemingly unbelievable events into some of the best fake work excuses? And you're not even lying, not totally, anyway.
Alright, I admit the dump truck is probably only good for a few hours at best, but the lion, now that is priceless when it comes to fake work excuses. And, honestly, how often is a chance like that going to come along?Back to Top